Growing up I was blessed to have two Father’s that I loved very much. This time of year, with Father’s Day only a few days away, my mind always wanders back to memories of my childhood and all the fun times I had with them and the lessons that they taught me through the years. The lessons I remember the most are those that they never knew they were teaching me. The ones where I was watching in the background, unknown to them.
Years ago I wrote about one lesson that my birth father taught me, it turned out to be one of my most popular articles titled “What My Dad Taught Me About Social Media”. My father was a local, sought after electrician that knew the power of building relationships. I watched intently how he mastered a skill that seemed to come naturally to him, not knowing at the time that this lesson would benefit me in a business that I would later start and grow into its 31st year.
What I haven’t written about is my bonus dad, Frank. He is the man who came into my life when I was six years old. The first gift he ever gave me was a bag of his favorite orange fruit flavored sugary candies, the ones shaped like an orange slice. I hated them and I did not like this man who was taking up my mother’s time. But over the years I grew to love him with all my heart. We may not have been blood, but everyday as I grow older, I see myself in him more and more.
Frank, was a Master Diesel Mechanic and Paint & Body man that in his own right was also sought after for the work he did. He loved it so much that he dreamt of one day opening his own shop. I remember my Mom and him sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee and talking about what it would be like if his dream came to fruition. His dream grew to the point that he would draw graphics on a piece of paper of what the shop would look like with all the details written down, he wanted it so badly. One day his best friend, Herb, who was also a Master Diesel Mechanic loved the idea and offered to be his partner in business. When he told my dad, you could see the sparkle in his eyes. Wow, was his dream really going to come true?
Saturday afternoons were soon occupied with scouting out buildings for the perfect place. One day, he came home and was so happy. The owner of the first body shop he worked for as a teenager was getting ready to retire and was willing to sell the place to them. He was going to leave all the machinery with the building, it was only a few minutes from home and the price was just right.
He had the contract in his hands, all he had to do was sign it, and his dream could begin.
Off to the bank they went and a few days later he got the call that it was approved. That is when I started to see a change in my dad. Herb came over ready to sign the papers, but my dad wasn’t ready, he had a policy to never sign anything without waiting three days. A risk taker he was not.
As each day went by, I saw him struggle with his dream. This was a huge commitment and a lot of money. No more paid health insurance or paid benefits. His family would no longer have the security of a weekly paycheck. What if things went bad and he couldn’t feed the family? He was still working for a solid company and they were good to him. I heard him say that leaving would be abandoning a company that had taken care of him all these years. He was loyal to a fault sometimes.
I can still remember sitting in the living room looking into the kitchen thinking “Dad, don’t give up on your dream. This is what you have always wanted. Don’t do it!”. But he did. He got scared and he didn’t follow through with his dream. Little did I know that this was a lesson I was learning.
I slowly watched my dad become sad. Not all the time, just when his dream would fly by in his mind. I could always tell. There would be tears in his eyes and I knew.
One day, less than a year after putting the stop on buying the shop, he came home at lunch time. I never saw my dad so defeated, so angry and so shattered. The company that he had worked for, the one he had given up his dream for, had closed its doors and sent everyone home.
That was it. The security he relied on was gone just like that. He let someone else choose his destiny instead of him choosing it himself. I never forgot that! When it was time for me to make the same decision, it was all to easy for me to choose my dream. I saw what not taking a chance could do to you and it wasn’t going to happen to me. Even if I failed, at least I gave it a chance. I never wanted to go through life wondering “What If?” like my dad did.
One day I got to share with my dad about the lesson he taught me. It was shortly after my mother turned ill and he came to work for me. He worked in what was then the mail room, long before everything was in the cloud. He was the best worker I ever had. I loved working beside him and marveled at how much he loved it too. One day when things were a bit slow, he asked me how I became so brave and went for my dream. I remember smiling with tears in my eyes. “You taught me, Dad” I said, and I proceeded to tell him the story. He smiled and told me he never knew I was paying attention. But I was.
This Father’s day and every day, whether you are a Father, a Grandfather, maybe even an Uncle or a Mother, remember, a child’s greatest lesson may be the one you never knew you were teaching.
Happy Father’s Day!
Copyright 2020 – 2023 Sherry Carnahan
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